Faramir´s Farewell
by Lhaewin
Summary: After ordering his son to retake Osgiliath, Denethor finds a letter...
1. Faramir´s Farewell

This is my first fanfiction. As I am not a native speaker I want to thank an English friend of mine who helped me with the language. I am looking forward to getting any constructive criticism.  
  
I do not own the characters - I just borrowed them and some of their lines.  
  
_Faramir´s Farewell  
_  
Father, I am probably dying even as you read these lines so I take this last opportunity to say what until now has been unspeakable. I always loved you and deep in my heart I felt that you returned my feelings, although you were not be able to show me affection. Gradually, my self-confidence has been broken down with every word of contempt you uttered. I could never fulfil your expectations, how ever hard I tried. My attempts to do so meant nothing to you. Nor did any of my achievements. When I succeeded in fulfilling any task you only told me about my failures in another.  
  
Father, you dealt the final blow some minutes ago, when you wished that I was dead instead of my brother. I cannot bring back Boromir, whom I loved more than I can express. But I can and will abandon you, not with cheer, but with acceptance, for I can stand your scorn and mental torture no longer. May you find peace soon, when you will have buried your second son - second born and second best.  
  
We have witnessed many men suffering a violent death, you and I. Can you imagine what it is like when you are dying step by step even before the end is at hand; to experience the slow shattering of your spirit and soul whilst being condemned to live in a healthy body? I cannot count how many times I lay in bed crying silent tears in the dark and wishing not to wake up the following morning. How many times did I stand on top of the high wall of the sixth level, tempted to make that final plunge? You don´t have the slightest notion that I felt this way, and if you had, how much, or how little would you have cared? It was only my sense of duty to my beloved country which prevented me from undertaking the very last step. Now I am looking forward to passing from this world with your blessing – the Captain of Gondor is leaving for his final journey.  
  
_„If I should return, think better of me, father."_  
  
_„That will depend on the manner of your return."_  
  
I hope that my return will please you, father. This may be the only time you will be content with me. Wish that my death will be merciful and swift, for I have suffered enough in my lifetime. 


	2. Denethor´s Farewell

First I did not mean to write a follow up. I am a bit uncertain about it. Please review!  
  
I still do not own the characters.  
  
_Denethor´s Farewell  
_  
After Faramir had left the hall, I asked the halfling to sing me a song whilst I had dinner. With every minute I became more uncertain; whether it had been a wise decision to send my now only son back to Osgiliath in order to reconquer the city. Finally I could stand my inner tension no longer and I left the hall to go to the White Tower.  
  
I intended to look into the Palantir, where I hoped to find relief and answers to my burning questions. I entered the room and went to the table with the covered magic ball. Removing the cloth, I found a folded piece of parchment. Surprised, I picked it up and upon unfolding it I recognised at once Faramir´s sweeping handwriting.  
  
_How like him to sit down and write a letter, instead of preparing himself and his men for battle properly_, I thought. I read the letter with increasing disbelief. He dared to blame me for his constant failings, even though he had proved his disloyalty and disobedience by releasing the ringbearer! Any other captain would have paid for such an offence with his liberty if not with his life. Faramir, as the Steward´s son, enjoys the privilege of being given another chance to prove his qualities. Instead of showing gratitude, he attempts to transfer the blame to me. I felt my rage growing and after I had finished the first paragraph, the parchment slipped from my trembling hands. Falling down it brushed the still uncovered Palantir. The magic ball reacted immediately and started to glow inwardly as I approached with curiosity.  
  
When the picture became clear I saw myself and Finduilas with a newborn baby. Finduilas was very weary and pale after the delivery which nearly had cost her life. I looked at the boy with dismay – I had wished for a sweet little daughter, as I already had a perfect firstborn son.  
  
Next I saw a little boy of about three years with fearful widened eyes, who refused to climb a tree as he tried hard to suppress the trembling of his lip. His mother hugged him protectively and I reproached her for pampering the son of the Steward.  
  
Then we were in front of a tomb, my children and I. I suddenly felt the grief for my beloved wife as freshly as if I had buried her yesterday. Faramir – every time I look into his expressive eyes I am reminded of that loss for she never recovered from his birth.  
  
I saw ten year old Faramir, proudly presenting me with his gift on my birthday: He composed a song and performed it himself, playing the harp. Mithrandir stood in the background with a warm glow in his eyes, although I would have preferred his support in my attempts to have my son learn more useful skills than music, literature and history.  
  
Now Faramir at fourteen - nearly a man, and a very talented archer – but his swordplay remained poor. I watched again a particular tournament, when he won the archery competition, but lost every sword duel, and I forbade him to continue his lessons with Mithrandir. He probably never forgave me, but I knew what was best for my son....  
  
I had to choose which son I sent to Rivendell, to that vital council, but it was never seriously in doubt. Faramir wanted to go, eager to abandon his duties as a Gondorian captain, but I would only entrust Boromir with such an important task.  
  
Then the Palantir showed me the Ringbearer in Osgiliath, overtaken by the Ring and saved by his companion in the very last moment. I could see the terror in his huge blue eyes, when t he halfling realised that he had nearly stabbed his loyal friend. Faramir kneeled in front of the Hobbit and the realisation hit me like the heavy strike of a sword. At last I understood why he let them go! Yes, it was the only possible decision and I was proud of him that he took it bravely knowing that his life _ "is forfeit"_!  
  
Forfeit: I saw a host of soldiers riding towards the ruins of Osgiliath into a hopeless battle. The orc released the arrow towards the breast of the Captain, and I can almost hear the deadly vibrations of the string – I know that the aim of the arrow is true and I can do nothing but watch as my son falls... _"Faramir!"_ I heard myself shouting.  
  
I swayed and picked up his farewell letter to read the end despite the tears in my eyes.  
  
_"Good-bye, my beloved son.Why didn´t you ever tell me about your feelings?"  
_  
Immediately the answer resounded in my head.  
  
_"Because you would never have listened, Father!"_


End file.
